Review by The Sun

An Asian Take

by S. Indra Sathiabalan

Bringing up children is not as simple as what we see on television and that is something any parent can tell you. Communicating with them, setting boundaries and instilling values are much easier said than done.

It takes a good deal of hard work and Jamilah Samian knows all about that first hand. She is a mother to five boys and a girl whose ages range from seven to 21.

A former senior staff at a multinational company, Jamilah was also a home-based entrepreneur. She spent the past four years living in Oman when her husband was based in a multinational company there.

Jamilah, who used to write articles for a local newspaper, decided to drop everything two years ago and concentrate on writing a book about being a parent.

The book in question, Cool Mum Super Dad (RM39.90, Truewealth Publishing), was launched last month at the MPH store in 1 Utama.

"I find the relationship aspect between parents and children very challenging, especially on the parents," says the author during a break from her book tour at several major bookstores here.
"When we focus on the relationship bit, it is a win-win situation for both parents and children," she adds.

She finds that children who enjoy a strong relationship with their parents have better self-esteem. "One of the mistakes we make is that we tend to raise our children the way we have been raised.

"Parenting is a skill. We have to look back at the style we have been raised. We then use the good bits and do away with the bits we can do without."

There may be many parenting books out there but most are written from a western viewpoint.
"Although parenting is a universal challenge, our values set us apart from others," says Jamilah. Her book, therefore, caters more to an Asian style of parenting.

Jamilah uses a lot of her personal experiences in her book like how she interacts with her children. So when you read Cool Mum Super Dad, it is like one parent talking to another about how she handles such-and-such a situation.

When it comes to making decisions, both parents must back each other up, she says. "That is a very important aspect of parenthood."

If mummy says no, then daddy should say no, too.

She also advises that whenever a child is punished for doing something wrong, the parent must explain why to the child. "The general rule of thumb is to be firm but kind."

The author also disputes the assumption that children nowadays generally lack basic values because both parents are working.

"These days, most families have both parents working out of necessity. I know of working parents who are good parents and stay-at-home parents who aren't very good parents at all.
"It is [all] about the quantity and quality of time you spend with your children."

Jamilah is currently working on another parenting book but says it is not a sequel to Cool Mum Super Dad.

The Sun Thursday 28 Sep 2006